Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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