I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
