I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
