But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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