hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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