I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
