Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
