did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
