Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm both gender and math confused
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
