I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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