at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
