So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
