Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
