i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
