she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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