if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
