if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
