Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
