i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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