This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
