I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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