Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
