Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
