WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
