So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize