I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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