imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
