I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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