is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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