Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
