My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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