And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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