The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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