you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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