a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
