dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
