Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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