He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
