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No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
