Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
