The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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