My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
