Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize