Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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