8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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