were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
