Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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