her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
