It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize