You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
