Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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