He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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