No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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