Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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