can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
