at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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