i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
