i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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