oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
