I am in a vortex of obligation.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
