I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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