im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My vagina just clenched in fear
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
