Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
