How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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