so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
