so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
