I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
