its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
