Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
