why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize