I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
